Approaching "The One" OR So you like this person a lot, huh?

We have a fair amount of youngish readers on this site so I felt it was important to dedicate a column to addressing the time-honored issue of approaching the object of your affection (read: Erection for our male readers). So you're hot and heavy for him/her, you watch them in class, you stare at them longingly, you write their name in loopy, pink pen in your Hello Kitty notebook, being careful to dot the i's in their name with hearts.. yeah, I get it. I've been there, we all have. Let me start off with some personal experience here. When I was a young lad, playing first chair baritone saxophone in the high school band I sat next to a cute clarinet player. We'll call her "Jill." Jill and I talked, flirted, etc.. and nothing really ever came of it. My friends said we should get together, her friends said we should get together.. never really happened. Here's the thing kids: You just really have to go for it. Now I'm going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume you're halfway intelligent. If you're 14 years old, 5'2" 320 lbs, play a lot of dungeons and dragons, and don't bathe but once a month.. your stock is pretty low. Your odds of getting with that hot blonde cheerleader are pretty slim. It's just not going to happen. In this country we do what, in my opinion, is the greatest disservice to kids, which is to say: You can do ANYthing if you set your mind to it. Here's reality kids: You can't. Not in this case, not in this situation. I'll revisit that steaming pile of "Anyone can do anything they want" feel good crap in a later column. If you're that fat D&D player here's your plan: Don't give up what you're into. If you're into D&D then that's what you like. DON'T EVER.. and I stress the word "EVER" do what I used to do when I was younger which is pretend (or downplay) to not like the things you like because they're a little "dorky" or "weird." That's just who you are, that's what you're into. Honestly, if you LOVE playing D&D wouldn't you rather be with a girl who enjoys it too? Or is at least interested in it? I love horror movies. I can talk about how to survive a zombie holocaust for hours with someone. I don't really want to be with someone that can't get into that. That, to me, is cool. I dig it. But I digress. The point is look realistically at the situation. If you think you may have a shot.. even if it's a long one the only thing you can really do is go for it. Talk to her/him, ask them out. If they reject you.. so what? I know this may not compute with some of you young ins but honestly.. HONESTLY, and I think Nat and Chris will back me up on this... what happens in High School is really inconsequential. When you're 25 no one you know will care that you asked Julie Parkins out in the 10th grade and got shot down. It's no big deal. Hey so ya got shot down 7 or 8 years ago- it happens. It's a part of life. It's a part of growing up. People hope, pray, LUST after what I call the "magic button" that they can press that lets them know who's interested in them and if they should go for it and it will make them do this and that and etc, etc, etc.. Hey.. It doesn't exist. All you can do is just go up to the object of your interest and talk to them, ask them out, relay your feelings to them. Now, if you've been lusting after this person for a while you shouldn't lay that all out on the line. Guys: Don't say "I have been in love with you since the 3rd grade.. what do you want to name our children?" And Girls: Don't say "I've doodled our names in my notebook for YEARS now... I want to get married to you." Hey, don't be creepy everyone, play it cool. Refer to the forum for more specified questions on how to do that. And I don't mean to single out the D&D cats but you guys know what I'm talking about. You hang out in your parent's basement drinking mountain dew and scarfing down funions while pretending to be wizards and hey, that's cool, I can see how that's fun.. hell I might even be able to get down with that.. But just don't expect the hot chick in school to come creaming through your door and asking to see that 12 sided die. It's not what the hot chick in school is into. Don't hate on your hobby, own it, and look for like-minded people. Let me say that again: LIKE MINDED PEOPLE. IIn the meantime you can start bathing regularly, get a haircut, maybe start working out a little bit, drop some weight, etc.. Some more BS we roll out in this country is that it's WRONG to reject someone because of the way they look. Oh no my friends, it's very right to do this. In my opinion in fact it's WRONG to PRETEND that being physically attracted to someone doesn't make any difference. This is what we call prime time, USDA grade Bullshit. Physical attractiveness, while not the most important thing in a relationship is a pretty big part of it. If you're not physically and sexually attracted to someone then that relationship just isn't gonna happen and not gonna work. So if you're that  5'10 and 300 lbs guy.. let's get that weight down a bit. Start listening to some 1980's style "lets get pumped up" songs (like you'd hear in Rocky or any John Hughes film) and start working out. Just start walking a bit. Walk around the block a time or two every night. Go to the track at your high school and jog it, etc. Do some physical activity. Get yourself in shape. Listen to classical music.. you can't be upset while listening to classical music. I defy you to do so. Beyond that- just go for it. Trust me, you're better off getting shot down then going throughout life wondering what might have been. Any thoughts or questions regarding this information can be addressed on our forums. Don't be creepy, don't come on too strong. Guys: Be confident but don't be a prick. Any questions? Hit the forum and we'll help ya. We're here to help. Good luck all! -Dave

- Dave Trouson
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