"She/He is Gone. What do I do now?"

So you had a relationship. You had a good run. Somehow, somewhere, SOMETHING happened and now it's over and you don't want it to be. What do you do now? Any romance movie would tell you to jet on over to her place with a bouquet of flowers. Your buddy holds the boom box blasting your song/a song/a romantic song/ any romantic love song and you make a big show of your love and devotion. She opens the door, you grab her in your arms, she says "you had me at hello" and you kiss. A kiss for all time, a kiss that all the nations of the world can get behind. Here's reality: It doesn't happen that way. Not usually. Not normally. There are reasons a relationship ends. No one is in a loving, committed, happy, healthy, monogamous relationship where things are going great and then..out of the blue they get dumped. It just doesn't happen that way. There's always reasons, there's always signs, there's always warnings. And now that it's over... all those bad times, those bad things, those warning..they're often forgotten about because you're hurt, you're sad, you're depressed. Hell, maybe you're pissed off. But look at things. REALLY look at them. Try to look at your relationship through the other person's eyes and see where things went wrong, see why they were unhappy. Try to look at it through your friends' eyes and see the same thing. Relationships don't end for no reason, sometimes that reason may seem silly or stupid or petty or irrelevant to you but they don't end for no reason. Listen and listen good because it's the next to last time I'll say this: There's always a reason. But whatever that reason is, it's over. It's over and done with and you're single again. This sucks, this hurts, this is pain, this is agony. You can't eat, you can't sleep, you don't know what the hell to do. Here's what you do: You get over it. I know that sounds very Dr. Phil (who's a dangerous (quack) person that you shouldn't listen to under any circumstance), but getting over it is about the best you can do. You'll get depressed, you'll get sad, you may not cope with it very well.. and if it gets too bad then you should really consider seeking some professional help. Sometimes these break-ups are very, very painful and very damaging to us. But you get over it. You soldier through it. You take your licks and you keep on trucking. Hey, take your couple of weeks or months to be depressed and sad and such. Stay indoors and ignore your friends requests for you to go out to the bar. Do it. Take your grieving period. But all the while you're doing it let your mind work. Think on your relationship. Realize why it's over, acknowledge your faults, her faults, his faults, etc. Realize the reasons that it's over. And REALLY think about them. Maybe there are things about you that need some work.. maybe they were just crazy. Maybe they wanted you to be something you couldn't be, maybe they had some unrealistic expectations. Regardless of the reason you have to move on. Now I'm not saying that an over the top, extraordinary display of love and emotion that culminates in you singing "baby come back" on her front lawn in the middle of a perfect rainstorm WONT work... but don't bet on it.. and don't put a band-aid on a bullet wound. We guys are notorious for putting out immense displays of affection when we need/feel compelled to. Sometimes they work.. but in the short term. If you don't fix the problem at its core than a quick, duct tape bubble gum fix isn't going to do it in the long run. There are things that are important to a relationship such as communication, love affection, sex, spending time together, family interactions, etc. Embrace these things because they're part of what makes a relationship whole and stable. If you can't deal with them then maybe, just maybe, you're not really ready for or WANT a real relationship. There's always a reason, my friends. Things just don't end suddenly and are almost NEVER repaired instantly like the movies would have you believe. There are 1,000 things I could say on this subject and every breakup is unique and has issues, history, and circumstances that I cannot personally know. But I do know that there's always a reason (3rd time, I lied) and that for the most part we need to listen to those reasons and realize that maybe we're not the boy/girlfriend we thought we were. Sometimes we're bad. Sometimes we do things that are, well, wrong. Sometimes we know it, sometimes we don't. Talk to your partner if you can, and/or listen to their gripes. Unless they're completely batshit crazy chances are they have a valid point. Maybe you need to look at yourself through their eyes. Refer to the forum for any further questions.

- Dave Trouson
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