"Is He/She Cheating On Me?"     

Are they cheating? Its hard to say for sure. Unless you're (un)lucky enough to catch your spouse/significant other in the act there's little you can prove. There's really no definitive answer I can give to this question without knowing you/her/him more. Cheating can be a hard thing to figure out because by its nature its very secretive and people go to great lengths to try to conceal it. However there are actions and behaviors that can clue you in that something is up. They don't necceserily mean that cheating is going on but there are warning signs. Are they being emotionally distant? Reluctant to engage in sex? Are they making excuses for why they can't do things/see you? If you live together, are they frequently "working late?" when they never used to?  All of these may clue you into some problem they're having with work, family, friends, etc. but they don't necessarily mean cheating. What they DO mean is that "something" is going on. FYI, the whole "working late excuse" is feasible for a doctor, lawyer, etc.. but if you work a 9-5 type job or retail or some such it's likely not true. Restaurant workers have odd hours, sometimes their shifts go late. Someone who works in a book store doesn't typically have to stay for several hours after they SHOULD have gotten off unless a new Harry Potter book is being delivered. Then all bets are off. I mentioned it above but lets re-visit some of the "cheating behaviors." Emotional distance, reluctance to engage in sex or sexual activity, making excuses for not seeing you, etc.. there are typical moves of a cheating woman. Believe it or not a man will behave differently.  A man will do these things when they're just plain not into you anymore and may/may not be "getting it" somewhere else, but your committed guy who doesn't want the wife/girlfriend to find out will take things to a more extreme measure. Not always, but quite often, a cheating man will behave super good to you. He'll be much more attentive, much more emotionally available, etc. This is because A. he may feel guilty, B. He is overcompensating because he doesn't want you to suspect something, or C. a combination of both. Again, not ALWAYS the case but if your man suddenly starts behaving super great to you (extremely more so than usual) it may be a sign of cheating in the air. In the end only you can truly know the person and who they are and if they're acting very strangely then it's obvious that SOMETHING is going on. I cannot tell you with any certainty if cheatin' is afoot.. .The only real advice I can give is to trust your instincts. If you've been with this person for a decent period of time and their behavior suddenly shifts then you need to realize that something has happened and something is not right. We all lie. We like to tell ourselves that we don't lie to the ones we love but sometimes those are the people we lie the most to, and for a variety of reasons. I've cheated before. I'm not proud to say it but I have. I've kept my cheating a secret and she's never known... I've also admitted to cheating and that's not fun either. The reason I never fessed up was to spare feelings, and we ALL do this. This is why we keep our cheating a secret in the first place. Because regardless of what's going on in the relationship, regardless of why we're cheating, we don't want to hurt the person we're cheating on. That's why we're "cheating" in the first place and not "breaking up" with the person to pursue someone else. And sometimes we just don't have the stones to do what needs to be done. Bottom line: Only you know if the behavior is strange, if things are awkward, if something smells off.. talk to them, lay it out. Don't outright accuse them of cheating but explain your thoughts and feelings. If you're getting nowhere then ask, in a civil manner, if there is someone else. Give them the opportunity to fess up in a calm, honest environment. And if all else fails then just spy through their cell phone when they're in the bathroom. I don't condone violence, stalking, or anything illegal but I have no issue with looking through a cell phone's call history. We all snoop a little bit sometimes. Hey, my cell phone is an open book to anyone who wants to take a look at it.

- Dave Trouson
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